You Really Ought to Switch to Decaf
by Jennamatic3000
Summary: This is a Naruto school and life fanfic. It is yaoi, but not in the beginning, and there MAY be lemons later on. No garuntees! Title has changed, and a new chapter is up finally !
1. Chapter 1

A few things. 

1. Like with ALL Naruto fanfics, I DO NOT OWN HIM, though by God do I wish I did!

2. It IS a yaoi, and Kibaxnaru, so GET OVER IT!!! But not yet

3. No lemons yet, but mabye later on

4. And, this is my first fanfic. Let's see how this goes.

5. Oh! And I would love reviews and contructive critisism. But DON'T BE MEAN!!! Or I'll have to fish-whack you!

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Chapter One: Hurry! Hurry! Rapidamente

Naruto groaned in his half sleep as he threw his hand up onto his bedside table, knocking over his reading glasses and his favorite book, Rayin of Flayms II: Return of the Sun. He groped blindly for a moment before finally finding the off button of his alarm clock. He reluctantly pulled his face from the pillow and turned a sleep-hazed eye to the digital read-out of the alarm clock. Damn! Six thirty! He would be late if he didn't hurry. He threw off his blanket and scrambled out of his bed, not even pausing to put on his boxers. He was about to get in the shower anyway, so why bother?

He ran down the stairs to the linen closet, then back up the stairs to the full bath across from his bedroom. He hung the towel carefully and neatly from the towel rod, readjusting it several times. Contrary to the beliefs of most, he was a neat-freak. It was his C.O.D., of course, but, he didn't like to use it as an excuse. He finally had it straight to his satisfaction, he stuck his arm into the shower to turn on the water so that he wouldn't be blasted by cold water. It being winter, his least favorite season, was bad enough, but a cold shower? He didn't think that even Sasuke would take one.

He climbed in and relished the feel of the steaming hot water on his shoulder blades, which were sore from soccer, sighing as the knots and kinks from practice the day before melted away. He smiled at his foggy reflection on the shining clean tiles of the shower wall. Today was going to be wonderful. Today, he was the star. Of the school play, no less! He couldn't wait! He was going to play Romeo! With Sakura as Juliet! He shivered at the thought of the final scenes while lathering the shampoo in his hair. He'd get to kiss her! Not that head hadn't already in rehearsals, but today, it'd be in front of everyone! He would be on cloud nine all day until sis forty that night.

Once he had rinsed his hair thoroughly, he turned off the water, reluctantly watching the last of the hot water run out of the faucet before sticking his arm out of the curtain, trying to get his towel while letting escape as little of the steam as possible. He managed to get it in between the tips of his fingers and pulled it in, shivering at the brief exposure to the cold air of the bathroom outside of the shower. He shivered at the thought of having to walk to school in that cold today. Maybe he would call a taxi. Nah, he could walk it. It'd be cold, but he'd manage. When he was dry, all but his feet, at least, he pulled the curtain open, steeling himself against the blast of frigid air.

Once the shivers were past, he stepped over the lip of the tub and planted his right foot firmly on the frosty ceramic tiles. He had a habit of slipping first thing in the morning. When he was sure he would keep his footing, he lifted his other foot and set it down next to it's brother. He walked over to the mirror and looked at his reflection in the slightly fogged glass, smiling dashingly, the sorrowfully, then boldly, then angrily. Yes. He would be superb in the play that evening!

after he finished admiring himself in the mirror, he brushed his teeth and combed his unruly blonde hair, the only untidy thing in his entire life. Well, except for maybe his Spanish folder. He gurgled with his favorite mouth wash, and spat out the stinging liquid as he heard a knocking at the front door. Who would be here this early. The local Jehovah's Witness group? No, it was too early even for them. He sighed with releif. It wasn't that he had any problem with them, they were very nice people. But they were just so insistent. He couldn't stand them.

"Just a minute!" he called down the stairwell as he ran to his room, throwing on his boxers, camouflage cargo shorts, a plain black t-shirt, and his customary orange windbreaker and pants, though this was a special one, designed specifically for him for the winter time. He sipped the jacket and slipped on a pair of perfectly pressed and starched socks, then his winter books, and grabbed his messenger bag to leave downstairs so he could leave quicker after having breakfast. He ran down the stairs, dropping the suitcase-like back pack by the table and ran to the door, giving himself a second to catch his breath before pulling it open.

"Hello? Oh, Kiba! It's you. What're you doing here?" he asked, mildly surprised to see his biggest soccer rival. He looked around to see if anyone else was there, then moved aside and ushered him in out of the cold. "What's up, Kiba?" he asked, curious as he helped the brunette brush snow from his hair.

"Good morning to you, too..." he said blandly, noteing Naruto's lack of greeting. he held up a pair of medium sized soccer cleats. "You left these in the locker room yesterday. I told Coach I'd run 'em over to you." he replied as he tossed the shoes over by the door mat. He grinned in amusement as he realized that Naruto had a mat both inside and outside his front door. He was even more amused when Naruto growled slightly and ran over to pick the shoes up and stick them in his shoes-and-coat closet.

"Thanks. I really appreciate it." he said as he walked back over, brushing off his hands as if his cleats had been dirty. Not that they had been. He washed them in the locker room after every practice. "Hey. You um, want a cup of coffee or tea or something? To kick the cold before you leave?" he asked, turning and walking towards the kitchen.

"Uh, sure, I guess. Coffee, please. Black, no sugar." he replied as he rubbed his hands together to warm them up. He had forgotten his gloves, and his knuckles were aching badly. It was a problem he had. He had no clue where it had come from, either. His family had no such history of joint problems, yet he was almost constantly plagued by them, especially in the winter time. Like it was now. He clapped his hands softly to get the blood moving faster.

Naruto noted his problem and ushered him into the kitchen, turning on a burner on the stove. "Just don't touch it!" he warned Kiba as he turned back to the coffee pot and a pair of mugs. He pour one mug almost to the rim and set it on a saucer, then filled his about three-quarters full, making up the difference with creamer and a little bit of sugar and caramel coffee flavoring. He set his on a saucer next to Kiba"s and carried them over to the table. "Come on. And turn the burner off!" he said as he sat down and placed Kiba's cup down opposite him, in front of the other seat.

Kiba sat down and sighed into the coffee, letting the warmth from the mug full of hot liquid suffuse his hands, soothing the chill and the dull aches of his finger joints. "Thanks." he said after taking a quick sip of the steaming liquid, burning his tongue but not caring. He felt the heat of the fluid all down his esophagus. He grinned at the ceiling and rolled his eyes back into his head. He then heard his watch beep. Shit! Only thirty minutes until homeroom. He chugged the rest of the piping hot brew and ran into the kitchen, clunking the mug and saucer gently into the sink. "Come on, Naruto! We'll be late if we don't hurry!" he said as he picked his backpack up from where he had dropped it by the door on his way in.

"Okay!" Naruto called back as he ran into the kitchen and dumped his coffee into an insulated mug with a handle and then ran back into the dining room and grabbed his bag, hurrying out the door after Kiba, just barely remembering to lock the door. Oh no! 'm going to be late for my Spanish test! he thought frantically as he hurried after the larger boy, amazed at how quick Kiba was despite his size. Not that he hadn't already known that he was fast. He was the only person out of any of the sports teams that could outrun Naruto. He, just like Naruto, participated in three different sports. Football, Track and Field, and Soccer. Naruto was in Soccer, Cross-Country, and Swimming.

"Hurry up!" Kiba yelled at Naruto, who had fallen a full twelve paces behind. They were going to be late. He would be late for his math class, and he knew Naruto would get a good chewing out from his first block teacher, Ms. Ferris, the short, skinny, cute teacher that all of the students swore couldn't be but four years older than any of them. He was going to be late, and it was Naruto's fault!

(About twenty minutes later)

"Hurry up Naruto! Rapidamente! You'll be late in afew seconds!" his teacher called down the hallway to him as his first class cam einto sight. He sighed. Just in time. The bell rang just as he crossed the threshold. He grinned to himself. Made it. "Please take your seat, Mr. Uzumaki, so that we can begin the test on Chapter Two." Ms. Ferris said stiffly, and he scurried to his desk in the back corner of the room.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay. A few things: 

1. Like with ALL Naruto fanfics, I DO NOT OWN HIM, though by God do I wish I did!

2. It IS a yaoi, and Kibaxnaru, so GET OVER IT!!! But not yet

3. No lemons yet, but mabye later on

4. And, this is my first fanfic. Let's see how this goes.

5. Oh! And I would love reviews and contructive critisism. But DON'T BE MEAN!!! Or I'll have to fish-whack you!

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Chapter Two: The Hours 'Til

Naruto sighed as he went back to reading his spanish test. It was the easiest one yet, and he was growing tired of this easy class. But, he had suffered through almost the entire semester, thankfully, and would soon be free of it. He sighed and turned back to his test.

26. En tus rato libre,?que te gusta hacer?

He rolled his eyes and sighed. Too easy.

26. En mi rato libre, me gusta hacer ejercicios.

He scribbled it down, then looked to the next question. Bonus Question. The last question on the test.

Benedicion:

?Que es la mas grande mision en la ciudad de San Antonio?

La mas grande mision en la ciudad de San Antonio es San Jose.

He wrote, immensly glad to finally be finished. He flipped back to his first page. He wrote his name on the line, his neat handwritting only just filling the space. He picked the papers up and tapped them into place, then stood and walked to the cart. He placed them neatly in the tray. first one done. As usual. He sighed and turned to go back to his seat. His shoes squeaked slightly on the floor as he walked. He sat back down and pilled his books upon his deck, waiting for the bell to ring.

He slouched down in his seat, leaning his head onto the back of his chair.

"Naruto!" Whispered one of his friends loudly as she poked him in the back with a pencil. Her name was Melody, and she was a Junior. He, of course, was only a Sophmore, but, he had gotten to know her fairly well, and had even hung out with her on occasion.

"What Mel?" he whispered back as he tilted his head even farther to look at her upside down. She was a big girl, but very pretty. He kind of liked her, but, he liked Sakura more. A lot more. His mind lingered on the pink-haired girl for a moment longer, only just catching what Melody said next.

"What're you doing later? After the play, I mean." she asked, looking at him nonchalantly at frst, then blushing slightly as she continued to watch him until he answered.

"I don't know yet... I may go out to dinner with the other actors, or I may just go home..." he said with a shrug. He wasn't sure what he was doing later, but, he hoped to get a little alone time with the play's other star, Sakura. His stomach fluttered slightly as he pictured her in her stunning Juliet dress. He blinked a couple of times to bring himself back to the present.

"...Oh... Okay." Melody said, sounding slightly put out, but she smiled and laughed. She was good at that. Even when she was sad, she smiled. She rubbed her left hand up her right arm and sighed. It had been worth a shot.

"Sorry..." he said, looking kind of embarrassed. He hated rejecting peoplee, considering that he hardly ever had the chance... He scratched the top of his head and turned back around, hoping that she wouldn't ask again. He picked up his pencil and went to stick it in his pocket, then changed his mind. He sat their tapping it on the table to the tune of his favorite song, Kids in America, by Shebang. Not one of the new-fangled versions, but the original.

Vrrrriiiiiiiiinggg!!! the bell rang, signalling the end of the bell. He picked up his messenger bag from beside his desk amdist all of the noise of speech and laughter from his classmates, pushing his books in and heading off to his second block, which was Honors U.S. History with Mr. V. He stood up, shoved his pencil in his right pants pocket along with his hand and walked out the door, lifting his bag up onto his shoulder.

The rest of the school day passed in a blur, his mind trained on the play at six o'clock, working automatically, like a machine, in all of his classes after Spanish.

Finally! The end of the school day! Naruto thought to himself as he sat on the edge of his seat, waiting for the bell to ring, trying his best but failing miserably to hear everything that his Honors Biology teacher, Mr. Davis, was saying. Something about evolution and finches and some guy named Charlie... Oh, yes! Charles Darwin! That was who Mr. D. was talking about! The teacher was talking about Darwin;'s work with Galapagos Islands finches while he was serving as naturalist aboard the H.M.S. Beagle. He remembered that guy from sixth, seventh, band/b eigth grade. He rolled his eyes and sighed. Always the same things in school... He qjotted down the last answer to his homework and put it in his folder for tomorrow. He was inot/i doing homework on the night of the play.

He put his notebook away in his bag and set it down on the desk, then stood and made his way over to one wall, peering into first the top tank, containing a large, vcious, territorial, yet vegetarian, freshwater fish of some sort or other, then he crouched down to find what he really wanted to see. A lung fish. Older than he was. He watched it for a moment, then sighed. If only his species were like the lung fish, perfect in body and DNA and unharmful to their environment. Why he was thinking such things when he never had before was beyond Naruto, but, that wasn't the point. She sighed and placed his hands on his knees, lifting himself back to a standing position as he glanced once more to the fish in the dusty old tank on the bottom shelf. perfect, yet so unrespected. He shook his head and returned to his desk.

Just as he sat down ,the bell for the day end rang, freeing them all unto the unprepared, defensless world. He picked up his bag and headed for the door. His feet dragged slightly as he hung back, waiting for his friends Micheal, Josh, Shane, and Clinton. "What's up guys?" he asked as he set out agian once they were abreast of him.

"Nothin'." Piped Josh in his annoying, jocky tone.

"Same here..." both Shane and Clinton echoed each other, the latter earning a "Stupid Alaskan!" from the former.

"I'm helpin' Ms. Monteith with setting up the stage for tonight..." the final one, Micheal, replied.

Naruto nodded. "Cool..." he said. That meant that he would likely see Micheal later. At least Shane and Josh wouldn't be there. They'd embarrass the hell out of him... He walked in silence for a few moments, oblivous to everything around him until he realized that he was at his locker. 2041. He turned the dial to his combination, opening his locker and pulling out his jacket, then extracting from his bag only his reading book, his sketch pad, and his orange beany. He put the beany on and headed for the stairs down to the ground floor. After jumping the twelvth step, he made it to the landing and headed for the door, his feet moving quickly as he thought of getting home and taking a nice, relaxing shower before the play that night...

He walked the rest of the way to his house silently, thinking of nothing imparticular as he listened to the songs of what few birds remained.


	3. Chapter 3

A few things.

1. Like with ALL Naruto fanfics, I DO NOT OWN HIM, though by God do I wish I did!

2. It IS a yaoi, and Kibaxnaru, so GET OVER IT!!! But not yet

3. No lemons yet, but mabye later on

4. And, this is my first fanfic. Let's see how this goes.

5. Oh! And I would love reviews and contructive critisism. But DON'T BE MEAN!!! Or I'll have to fish-whack you!

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Chapter Three: Dude, You Really Ought to Switch to Decaf...

That night, Naruto was plagued by a series of strange dreams...

...

"Naruto, oh, Naruto... Wherefore art thou Naruto?" It was Sakura's voice, but he couldn't see anything. As he was dreaming, he failed to recognize this as unusual. He tried to speak, but was unable, so he thought back to the ethereal voice, instead. _Because I am... I can't be someone else... Sakura, where are you?_ He tried to feel around, find the wall, groping for a light switch, but his hands encountered nothing. Then, he felt the ground beneath his feet vanish, and suddenly he was falling. There was no lashing wind, no piercing whistle. He had a strong sensation of vertigo, but the physical sensations of falling were absent, as though he was falling in his head. He tried to scream, but nothing came out. He tried to wheel his arms, but he was paralyzed. Arms and legs pinned to his sides. This time, he did scream, but it was an unearthly sound, a shriek that could not possibly have come from him.

"Nurse, more anesthesia, if you please. And while you're at it, I'd like a dry martini. A very dry martini. A very dry, arid, barren, desiccated, veritable dust-bowl of a martini. I want a martini that could be declared a disaster area. Mix me just such a martini, " said the doctor who loomed over him in bloody scrubs with a rusty saw in hand. "Yes, Doctor Pierce!" Sakura giggled as she raised a hammer high above her hand.

"Count backwards from ten, Mr. Uzumaki..." she murmured, then swung the axe. His head rolled a short distance along the cobblestones. "Watch the curls, simpleton!" hissed the head of Marie Antoinette as her body bent down, kicking him aside and dusting off the lock of hair he'd landed on. "S... Sorry," he stammered, but she'd already jumped off the bridge and into the lake below. "Hurry, Naruto! We have to save Princess Zelda!" a small blue-and-black imp urged him as she pushed him off of the skyscraper.

Now he was falling off of a tower, an impossibly tall tower. He heard Sakura laughing somewhere far off, and the sound of a chainsaw roaring to life the next page over. He dropped the book from his hand and stuffed his paper-cut finger into his mouth, still plunging face-first towards the canopy of the Amazon far below. He waved as a girl and a small black terrier went running by, chasing after the witch on the flying bicycle with the little man sitting in the basket with a giant lollipop. "Good luck, Alice!" he called after her as he watched her white stockings and black shoes vanish down the rabbit hole.

Just before he hit the ground, he felt someone shove a cup of coffee into his hand. "Dude, you really ought to switch to decaf," Kiba said with a barking laugh as he pulled the cord on his parachute. "Thanks!" Naruto replied, waving, and was about to lick the poison from his dead love's lips when he awoke with a scream.

...

Naruto shuddered violently as he sat up, struggling vainly to catch his breath and hold down the bile threatening to ruin his bedroom rug. In the end, he was forced to run for the bathroom, trailing tangled sheets behind him. He barely made it to the toilet in time to save himself the clean-up. He crouched there for half an hour until the dry-heaves finally stopped coming. He flushed the toilet with a shaky hand, then collapsed against the spotless tile wall, sobbing quietly. He tried to get a hold of himself, but he was still too hyped from the dream. _Dream? Or nightmare?_ He didn't know what. He clutched at his head as the veins in his temples threatened to blow out. Finally, he ended up crawling into the tub and turning the faucet all the way to cold.

About half an hour later his breathing and pulse rates had returned to normal, and the ache in his abdominal muscles had begun to subside. He was still shivering, but now it was from the cold water, not the frantic, Freudian dream. He turned the control to hot and waited for the water to warm up before standing and turning on the shower head. He stood there until he ran out of water pressure, letting the steaming, scalding water wash away all of his aches and pains, and, by some miracle, he managed to put up a wall between his conscious mind and memories of the dream. They were all too vivid, and it was still too new. He wasn't even sure what had triggered the dream, and he had no desire to dissect it just then.

On weak knees and jelly legs, Naruto stepped out of the shower, wrapped around his naked body a large, soft towel from the linen closet, and left the bathroom. He half-stumbled, half-fell down the stairs to the first floor of his house, and fell in a damp heap onto the sofa in his living room. It was times like that that he wished his mother was there, instead of off on her never-ending business trips. She was in Japan, right then, and would remain here for the next tow months. He was old enough to take care of himself.

What about when age wasn't the issue, but condition? Could he take care of himself if he was loosing his mind?

"Stop it, Naruto... It was just a dream!" he growled angrily at himself, but he couldn't help but tremble just a bit. After that, he just sort of let himself drift. He tried hard to blank his mind for a moment, but couldn't, and so he tried another tactic. _Pickles... Pickles... Pickles..._ he thought, over an over, with his eyes shut, shutting out any noise or scent. He didn't realize his success at "meditating" until he heard someone knocking on the front door. He glanced to the cable box to find the time, and gasped. He must have been out for a while, he realized, because it was already eleven o'clock. He was usually out of the house by nine on Saturdays.

He ran over to the door, gripping the towel tight at his throat so that it continued to cover his central mass, and peeked through the peephole in the door. _What the hell?_ He opened the door a crack and, scowling, snatched the small black notebook out of Kiba's outstretched hand.

"You left that in the auditorium last night. I was one of the last to leave after checking over all of the sound and light equipment, so Monteith asked me to bring it to you," the mop-headed teen said. "I didn't read it, but I did drop it when I was rearranging the crap on my desk this morning, so some of the pages might be out of order." He didn't want Naruto to think he'd been snooping, though he was sure the blonde would believe he had been, anyway. He may come off as a jerk sometimes, but he did respect people's privacy. After all, he didn't like others poking through his journals of free-writing and poetry, so why should he go invading other's private sanctuaries?

Blue-eyes remained hard for a moment, judging the truthfulness of the words, before he blinked and nodded. "Thanks. I hadn't realized it was missing," he admitted, which was odd, since he was generally a very orderly person. Which was why that dream had so unsettled him. It was far out of the realm of his ordinary night-time explorations. It reminded him or some movies he'd watched when he was younger. Bizarre, scary, confusing, and seemingly purposeless... He began to stare blankly off into the space past Kiba's head, and the other boy decided that he should probably leave the other boy to deal with whatever was distracting him.

"Well, you seem to have something on your mind, so, I guess I'll go and leave you to.. Whatever you were doing," he said, gesturing to Naruto's towel-clad form. "See you at practice Monday morning," he called back over his shoulder as he set off down the driveway, leaving a blonde boy in a towel standing in an open doorway in the dead of winter feeling, for some reason unknown to himself, somewhat betrayed.


End file.
